Jan 26

About my life when I was little....

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My story is that I love to be heard to... My story is of my life and how I had to live it. So when I was about like 8-9 years old my father was abusive to my mother and held a knife up to her throat. I didn't know any of this till my mother told me when I got older. My father wanted a child but was never in my life while I was going up. I didn't have that father figure when in was growing up unlike most kids.i wanted to have a father in my life,someone to look up to and talk about my problems but no that was not the case. I just didn't have one. My father was not in my life from the time I was born till I was about 13 or 14 years old then all of a sudden he wanted to see me. At that t in me I didn't know what to think because how can you have a father that didn't want knowing to do with me show up at your door step wanting to see you. What was I thinking well first of all I was thinking why couldn't you be in my life, where have you been, and two is why would you want to start being in my life now when I'm almost all grown up now. Nothing at that time made any sense. He always made excuses why he couldn't see me. Thru my whole like I was crying because I didn't have a dad. Oh said to myself why me. Why couldn't it be someone else. Or why couldn't I have a normal life. From that time on I didn't live a normal life. All I wanted was a father to love me. And yes there was some bad things that happened in my life that I seem to can not ever forget because it's too painful. I sometimes have flash backs about what happened and it just disgusts me. Now I'm 26 and my dad wants to have a relationship with me but how am I suppose to. My dad doesn't know what I like or anything because he missed all my birthdays and Christmases. I didn't even get a card or a happy birthday from him. The one thing that hurts the most is that he says to me put all that in the past. The past is the past he says. But he dont understood that something like this stays with you for the rest of your life, how the hell am I suppose to forget something like this. It's like when I was little he didn't want to believe he had a child, and he didn't want to look out for it so he disappeared. But now my dad says let's focus on only me and you, not your mother or your husband? I'm like what hold up wait no if he cant except me he dont need me. He needs to except me and my husband. My husband is a part of me. Plus my husband did alot of things to help him out and he dont realize that. If he cant except me and my husband and my family what's the point....?

Jan 31

I had a dad like that too. Im 47 now and last year he passed away. I had not seen or talked to him since I was maybe 20. I didn’t go to the funeral. And that was my choice and I’m fine with it. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should think about him or the situation. You have to live your life. He obviously lived his. Keep Smiling.

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